Why Am I Still a Christian?

A commenter told me yesterday, “It’s amazing you still have faith.” 
My answer to her? “Jesus. It’s allllllll Jesus.”
In the recent years that I have been studying the dangers of Legalistic Christianity, I have seen the many, many heartbreaking consequences. 
Most common is the abuse of power. The sect of Patriarchal Christianity is a favorite among abusers, for it ultimately gives them...
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Freedom Day 2020

Five years ago today, I began my journey out of a cult. 
I walked into a counselors office for the first time in my life and asked for help. 
I didn’t fully understand what kind of trauma I had endured; after all, it was my “normal”. 
I began the incredibly hard work of facing the reality of my trauma. I got angry. I grieved. I accepted. I healed. 
I then began to deconstruct everything I had been taught about God. Was He a God who only loved me if I did...
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The God Who Rescues

In these uncertain times, I want to share a reminder that our God is bigger than you think. ☺️
Nine years ago I traveled to Chicago and stayed the week at the headquarters of what I now know was religious cult. During that stay I was asked by the cult leader to make my stay permanent. 
He promised many wonderful things...
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Happy Six-Months, My Love!

Happy sixth month anniversary to the love of my life!! I never dreamed marriage could be so sweet, but I guess that‘s what happens when you marry your best friend. 💗
I’ve absolutely loved our continued traditions of four-hour long coffee dates, spontaneous “Haagen-Dazs Emergencies”, and late-night Downton Abby dates. ☺️ 
I’ve treasure our evening strolls together around the apartment and how we sometimes...
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The Body Holds Trauma

The body holds trauma.
This past week I’ve dealt with an unexpected flare up of my chronic illness.  I’ve also dealt with a frightening stream of relentless nightmares and last night a rare panic attack appeared out of no where.
After the panic attack told my husband I couldn’t figure out why my body had gone haywire this week.  He asked, “Is there anything significant about this time of the year?”  And then it hit me.  This week is the 9th anniversary of my brief stay at the cult headquarters. The week that forever changed my life.
Though this happens every year...
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When Suffering Feels Too Great

The last few months have been some of the most trying times I think this country has endured in decades. Unspeakable pain and heartache has flooded into countless lives and hardly anyone has escaped the devastation.
As I read my Bible this morning this passage stuck out to me...
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The Wedding That Wasn't

I awake to a warm breeze coming from our bedroom deck door brushing against my cheek. It’s a beautiful morning. A momma duck is keeping her baby eggs warm just a few feet away from our deck, the trees are bright purple with tiny flowering buds, and the early morning birds are singing their cheery, springtime choruses.
I turn over to see my new husband’s chest rise and fall with each steady breath.  It’s a sight I have longed for ages to wake up to, but this morning I am too distracted by the deep heaviness inside of me to fully enjoy the moment. The reality of what this day was suddenly hits me.
Today was supposed to be our wedding day...
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We Got Married!!!

Tonight, during a fifteen-minute ceremony over a candlelight bridge in Loose Park (the same bridge I was proposed to just one month ago), Joshua and I vowed our love and faithfulness to each other.
This tiny, no-frills, nearly impromptu wedding turned out more beautiful and special than we could have imagined, but it was definitely not how Josh and I had pictured things...
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We're Engaged!

After a two-hour long scavenger hunt with love letters and clues hidden at all our most memorable date locations (check my previous posts for live video updates!), I finally ended up at one of the prettiest places in Kansas City, a park where Joshua first asked me to be his girlfriend in March 2019 — less than 24 hours after we met face-to-face for the first time, and over three months into our long-distance relationship.
Tonight, as I walked out onto the bridge over the water, candles lining the wooden planks
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End of Year Wrap Up -- The Year Of Gratitude

The Year of Gratitude 
New Years Eve 2009 I was approaching deaths door step due to a Crohn’s flare and was being prepped for emergency surgery.
Tonight I am toasting in the New Year with the love of my life. 🥰
When I choose “Gratitude” for my word of 2019 it was because I wanted to intentionally focus on what I could be grateful for in my life currently.  I felt too discontented and too focused on my dreams
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