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Freedom Day 2020

Freedom Day 2020 Five years ago today, I began my journey out of a cult. I walked into a counselors office for the first time in my life and asked for help. I didn’t fully understand what kind of trauma I had endured; after all, it was my “normal.” I began the...

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The Modesty Files: A New Podcast on Toxic Fundamentalism

I woke up just a touch nervous today. This morning a podcast episode has been released where I talk quite frankly about the messy details of my trauma story. A few months ago I received an email from a group of three sisters who run a new podcast called The Modesty...

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Triggers are Our Teachers

"Triggers are our teachers." ~ Dr. Nicole LePera A Gentle Parenting Blog that I follow on FB (Flourishing Home's and Families — check them out!!) shared this quote today. I instantly thought, "Wow, this is SO true!" My husband, Joshua, and I were in our counselors...

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The Body Holds Trauma

The body holds trauma. This past week I’ve dealt with an unexpected flare up of my chronic illness. I’ve also dealt with a frightening stream of relentless nightmares and last night a rare panic attack appeared out of no where. After the panic attack told my husband I...

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The Darkest Nights

Last night I was once again hunted by dreams of some of the darkest evil that exists in this world. One lasting affect some sexual abuse survivors often endure is having their trauma manifest in horrific nightmares. After what seemed like an eternity, my screams at...

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When The Triggers Don’t Stop

I’m currently reading a new book released just this past week, “Woman Rising: A True Story” by Julia McCoy. This memoir is the incredibly raw and vulnerable depiction of the horrific abuse the daughter of a cult leader endured throughout her childhood, and then how,...

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When You Just Can’t Forget…

I feel restless today. I’m itching to be somewhere where I’m not yet. I’m yearning for a place of healing where I have not yet reached. The last several weeks I’ve been going through a rough patch in my healing journey. Some dark memories have been resurfacing a lot...

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I Walked Away from Church — But Not Jesus

Shorty after leaving the cult, I took a break from church. I was so tired of the abuse of authority that I’d experienced most of my church-going life; I needed a break from it all. I walked away from going to church, but not from my faith. While I do believe being a...

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The Nights of a PTSD Survivor

One of the common after-effects of being an abuse survivor is that you may be haunted by terrifyingly vivid nightmares that bring back unpleasant and unfortunately familiar emotions. Such dreams are a regular occurrence for me, and last night I found myself quite...

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Is it OK to be Angry at God?

Is it okay to be angry at God? The last two days have been hard. There have been quite a few stressful moments and I have been so overwhelmed. Emotions of all kinds have flowed, along side tears. When disappointments hit, sometimes worshiping God is the last thing I...

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