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The body holds trauma.

This past week I’ve dealt with an unexpected flare up of my chronic illness. I’ve also dealt with a frightening stream of relentless nightmares and last night a rare panic attack appeared out of no where.

After the panic attack told my husband I couldn’t figure out why my body had gone haywire this week. He asked, “Is there anything significant about this time of the year?” And then it hit me. This week is the 9th anniversary of my brief stay at the cult headquarters. The week that forever changed my life.

Though this happens every year, it still surprises me. Even when my conscience brain doesn’t remember the significance of this week, my sub-conscience mind and my body does remember. The body holds trauma.

Though I’ve gone through years of therapy and have worked hard to reprocess my trauma and physically and emotionally heal, I have come to realize there are parts of me that have been changed forever — and that’s OK. ?

Instead of beating myself up for getting triggered or experiencing a physical relapse related to decade-old trauma, I choose to give grace to myself and take time to rest. I’ve spent the day playing board games with my husband and have been taking extra baths, using several essential oils, and have been nourishing myself with good food. Sometimes we can’t erase certain scars that have been inflicted upon us, but we can choose to love our body and support it in the many ways we know how. ?

How do you choose to love your body when it is struggling due to past trauma?



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About the Author

Emily Elizabeth Anderson is a Christian blogger and rising activist for people who have experienced abuse within a Christian environment.

After growing up in a fundamentalist cult for 23 years and experiencing childhood domestic violence, Emily began her journey to recovery in 2015 and eventually found Jesus to be her ultimate healer. She soon turned her passion for writing into a blog and her story has since been featured on several media outlets including NPR.

She married her best friend, Joshua, in 2020 and together they are passionate about educating on the realities of trauma survival and recovery, as well as supporting survivors they meet through their online community.

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